Off with his legs

A friend remarked to me today that if her lover had referred to her as flippantly as‘ a pair of old slippers that he can’t get rid of’, she too would have happily whacked him over the head with a cricket bat and stabbed him in the chest. Had she been in the throes of p.m.t she might have sawn his legs off as well. There wouldn’t have been any more ‘slipper’ jokes; that’s for sure. He wouldn’t be needing them again anyway.

Such were the shock and horror quotations sprawled across Tuesdays papers about Jane Andrews pending trial for the murder of her lover whom she discovered was having a secret affair by e-mail. Just what makes a woman go over the edge and lose all control, whose rage intensifies to such a peak that a murder is committed? What drives women to do such atrocities? What’s going on?

The 28th Day

My friend is by all intent and purposes a perfectly well adjusted normal human being and was only joking, but should we really be laughing so hard? She admits that at certain times of the month, she can understand how any woman can fan the fire of resentment with fantasies of causing grievous bodily harm to their loved ones. Especially when they are hurting and have valid and legitimate reasons for being angry.

Being angry is ok. But does it give us a free pass to mutilate and gun down the opposite sex as seen reported more and more often in the tabloids I ask her? One case in question comes to mind. A woman in the states who murdered her lover in the thick of pre menstrual tension or pre menstrual syndrome, as it is more commonly known. She was acquitted her crime if my memory serves me right. Does that mean a free for all? Can we all barrel down to the local Toys’r’us and buy a truckload of cricket bats and wreak revenge at random? A short sharp trip to the loony bin and hey it’s all over baby. They say if you’re looking for revenge you better dig two graves and I believe in that.

Healthy? Ha!

Of course, you might say, I don’t know my arse from my elbow and when I was told this article was about relationships, well frankly. I burst out laughing. You’re right. I’ve no idea what constitutes a healthy loving intimate relationship but then again does anyone? However as far as I know, it’s generally unacceptable to beat the living daylights out of each other and then blame the chemist for having no starflower oil or Vitamin B6 in stock. It just so happens that I am in the middle of writing a short story on the subject of p.m.t. for a new book and wonder is it possible, that women can be pushed over the edge at the wrong time? Well next time your girlfriend is in p.m.t. try asking her would she like a cup of tea? What will happen? Let me guess.

If you are lucky, she will give you a look that would wither a rose. More than likely she will slap you across the head and tell you to go and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Now add the scenario of her finding out you are making love to a computer on the sly and insult her with the above quote from Tommy Cressman and ponder with justifiable amazement how you are still alive because he’s pushing up daisies right now. I hope you are getting the gist of it. I’m not saying Jane Andrews was suffering from p.m.t. I’m just posing the question. What if she was? Guys, if you value your time on this planet, don’t push the button. You may never live to see what a cricket bat is actually intended for and you may look down one day and find yourself minus the bottom half of your legs. According to my friend, of course.

The Celtic Bogcat

Violence is an undeniable part of today’s news coverage and is more out there due to media accessibility but is it really fair to assume it is only the result of the crumbling values so prevalent in society today? I ask my friend, has not the Celtic Tiger brought with it the nasty negative dark side as well as the positive? What of the millennium diseases like greed, road rage, bad manners, pursuit of power and money as the be all and end all? Have we not got lost in the chase for happiness out there instead of in here? Yes and no my friend replies.

With all this affluence and wealth one would imagine we are all happy in our nappy and destined to spin in euphoric glee for ever after. Yes well Catherine Nevin isn’t very happy at the moment and Myra Hindley certainly wasn’t suffering from some slight backache and a bloated stomach. There are bad women as well as men. Looking back through history, there have been many cases in the category described above. Those kinds of stories were always occurring, we just didn’t hear about it. The Queens of old, spring to mind as a point in case. They had a penchant for chopping off heads as nonchalantly as we dice onions for spaghetti Bolognese. No one batted an eyelid. How come? Because they were dead basically, my friend reminds me. Oh yeah. Right.

Spanner

Let me throw a spanner in the works. Just for argument sake could it have anything to do with the constant barrage of violent sex that now seems to be more in demand than ever in the multi billion-pornography business? You know the kind of thing I’m talking about. The burning of a woman’s nipples while she cries seems to be a great turn on I hear. The abuse of children, who are now expected to behave like responsible adults, still goes unacknowledged by those who claimed to be our spiritual guides.

These lost souls can hardly cure themselves. Until someone tells them it wasn’t their fault how are they supposed to heal? They are destined to become abusers too but enough of that, it’s too awful to dwell on. Snuff movies with preplanned murders are hot stuff and readily available in this country but if you don’t tell anyone I promise I’ll do a great impression of an ostrich arse up, too.

It seems perfectly acceptable for a man to tear his own skin off in a video that he knows children like my eight year old daughter will watch and other famous women repeatedly tell me if I don’t have a size 99F breast well then it’s my own fault if I’m a lonely old tart.

Rape is on the increase on the streets but also readily available to rent on video. Coincidence or deeply rooted connection? You tell me. Of course I’m not sure if any of that has anything to do with why women murder their lovers. I really don’t know anymore than you. I’m only taking a wild stab in the dark. Better to take a wild stab at something not human and better to direct it where it really belongs than end up in the dock wondering how did I get here?

Rape Crisis Centre Ireland

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